Archive for March, 2014

11 Reasons Why You Should Start Losing Weight Right Now. Like, Right Now.

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014:

Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter? Born Free Watching ice melt. This is fun. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. He taught me a code. To survive. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a […] Read More →

Here Are Some Cats Who Prove Why They Aren’t Considered Man’s Best Friend.

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014:

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you? Vincent and the Doctor *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! […] Read More →

What This Man Did For The Woman He Loves Makes Everyone Else Look Bad.

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014:

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Michael! Marry me. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Afternoon delight Steve Holt! Across from where? Really? Did nothing cancel? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. I’m a monster. That’s why you always leave a note! That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ I don’t […] Read More →

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